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Anal sex is not something that is experienced exclusively by
gay men; it is experienced on a regular basis by heterosexual
couples. Men and women of all walks of life enjoy anal sex as an
alternative to everyday lovemaking. It’s not for everyone, but
anal sex may be what you’re looking for if you want to try
something completely different.
Why do people
enjoy anal sex?
Anal sex is enjoyable because of the rich body of nerve
endings in the anus. While people often experience pain when first
attempting anal sex, as you learn to relax, the pain often subsides
into pleasure. For men, anal sex offers stimulation to
the prostate, an
organ that provides the rush of pleasure during orgasm. You can also
insert your own fingers during masturbation.
Relax
To prepare yourself for anal sex, the
first thing to do is learn to relax. This may include a hot bath
beforehand, an erotic massage or even just a good workout. The
sphincter muscles around the anus will not allow things to pass
through easily unless you relax and take it slow. Always pay
attention to your partner to indicate whether or not they are
comfortable.
Do
I use my Penis first to enter the anus?
Do not start with something the size of
a dildo or penis. Start with a well lubricated finger. Take the
finger and arouse the surface of the anus by making small circular
motions as you go. Slowly attempt to push your finger slightly inside
the anus. Do not force your hand - stop if your partner complains of
discomfort. If it is difficult to enter the anus, use more
lubrication. If it is too uncomfortable stop and try again later.
Later may mean some other time. Think of this process as training for
later anal encounters. Even a finger can provide intense stimulation
when inserted in the anus.
Finally, use your common sense. The rectal
wall curves and is thin, be aware that long, hard objects can tear
your insides. Don't wear any jewelry on your hands, and cut your
fingernails if you are going to put your finger in someone's
anus.
Experiment, there are many more positions
and techniques to try. Find the one that suits you best. Good
communication is the key to such discovery, and a manual or video can
help as well.
Why would
anyone want to have anal sex?
For many people, anal sex is the ultimate taboo. Buttfucking
makes it sound crude and dirty, sodomy sounds technical. In the
1990's, anal sex has been given the bad rap because HIV, the virus
that causes aids, is most easily transmitted by anal intercourse.
But some people love anal sex. Others hate it. Others haven't
tried it yet and are curious. And many people are attracted to it
precisely because it's so taboo and mysterious.
What is
analingus?
One other part of the body that some people enjoy licking, or
having licked, is the anus. The anus has half the nerve endings in
the pelvic region and many people find touching it to be sexually
arousing. Although we haven't mentioned safer sex yet as part of this
series, we will here: the anus and rectum carry many diseases that
live quite benignly in your lower digestive tract, but which can be
harmful in your mouth or stomach. Performing anilingus is a very
risky behavior for a variety of bacterial infections. Refer to the
section on safer sex techniques for ways to protect yourself if you
or your partner enjoys this activity.
Does anal sex
hurt?
Anal sex should not hurt. If it hurts, you're doing it wrong.
With enough lubricant and enough patience, it's entirely possible to
enjoy anal sex as a safe and fulfilling part of your sex life.
However, some people may never like it, and if your lover is one of
those people, respect their limits. Don't force the idea upon
them.
Can anal
sex actually give pleasure?
The pleasure of anal sex is derived from many things. Doing
something "nasty" appeals to many people, especially Learn About Sex.
Doing something different to spice up a sex life that has become
something of a bore can be part of it. And the physical sensations
available during anal sex are uniquely different from anything else.
The rectum is lined with nerve endings, some of which signal the
brain to 'reward' you with good feelings when stimulated. For men,
the prostate gland can be a source of powerful pleasure. And for a
thrusting penis, the ring of the anus can be a new and strong
sensation to enjoy.
What do I need to
have anal sex?
The most important pieces of advice anyone can give on anal
sex are: lubricants, condoms, and patience. The most commonly
available lubricant is KY-Jelly, a greaseless, odorless substance
available at most drug stores. Better lubricants include Astroglide,
ID, Wet, or ForePlay, some of which are available at better drug
stores, and most of which are available in some form at adult toy
stores.
Do not buy anything that is oil-based. Make sure the
lubricant you buy is rated "condom compatible." Nothing else will do.
Oil-based lubricants such as vaseline or baby oil will destroy a
condom long before you're done having sex. And many oil-based
sub-stances will coat the lining of the rectum, providing a haven for
many potential infections.
Do I have to
use a condom?
Even if you're sure that both you and your partner are
disease- free, you should still use a condom. The rectum is home to
lots of infectious bacteria that can cause burning and urethritis of
the penis. It will also help you clean up afterwards.
I'm worried that
anal sex will be messy.
Anal sex should not be messy. Most first-timers fear that it
will be, but most people can tell when they have to go. A condom will
help with cleanup, of course, and if you're really concerned, a
commercial enema, like Fleet, will help beforehand.
How do we
prepare for anal sex?
Patience is the third and final thing you need to make anal
sex possible. Initial penetration is always the most difficult part
of anal sex -- the anus is a tight ring of flesh at the opening of
the rectum designed to control the elimination of bodily waste. It is
partially under voluntary control, and partially reflexive to
stimulation. Your partner has to relax, and you have to go slow to
coax it into opening enough to receive your penis.
Start with a well-lubricated finger or a slim (smaller than your
penis) dildo. The dildo is more realistic, but your fingers can flex
and feel what they're doing inside her ass. Slide one finger in
slowly, letting her adjust to it. Take your finger all the way out,
then push it back in again. Give her anus time to get used to this
kind of activity. Then slide a second finger in. Consider how big
your penis is and realize that two fingers is probably
enough.
What position
should we use for anal sex?
For actual intercourse, picking a position can be important.
Many women want to be on top, to regulate how fast penetration
occurs. Other like to lie on their stomachs, or crouch doggy-style,
or to be penetrated while lying on their sides. Choose what's best
before you start.
As always, control yourself. Take your time and use lots of
lubricant. People who like anal sex say that "too much lube is almost
enough." Listen to her -- if she tells you it starts to hurt, back
off.
Eventually, a time will come during your lovemaking where her anus
will relax enough to allow the head of your cock to 'pop' into her.
If she is completely relaxed, that pop should feel completely
painless. Now just because you're inside her is no reason to start
pounding away like mad. Let her body adjust. Take your time.
Eventually you will both be ready for more.
Can I get
pregnant from anal sex?
It is not technically possible to get pregnant from anal sex;
there is no way for semen to get from the rectal tract to the vaginal
tract.
However, anal sex is still not a very good method of birth
control. Semen leaking from the anus after intercourse may drip
across the perineum (the short stretch of skin separating vulva and
anus) and cause what is known as a 'splash' conception. The failure
rate for this is surprisingly high! 8% of couples of who use anal sex
as a method of birth control have babies each year.
What if I don't
like it?
You may find that anal sex just isn't for you. That's fine.
Nothing says that you have to indulge in something that doesn't make
you feel good.
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